5 Conversations you Need to have Before Becoming a Stay at Home Mom
Stay at Home Mom. Four small words have can have such a big impact. The decision to stay home and raise your babies affects everything… you, your marriage, and most of all, your kiddos. Before Weston was born, we tossed around the idea of me staying at home, but I never actually thought I could do it. I’m educated, I loved my job, and I like to know that I’m financially contributing to my family. But, as I’m sure so many moms before me have said, I took one look at my tiny baby and realized going back to work wasn’t what I wanted to do. But, before I could officially make that decision, there were several things I wanted to discuss with my husband.
Income and Budget
Can we actually afford to do this? Going from two incomes to one income is not a small step for many families and it definitely wasn’t for us. It took a lot of sacrifice and adjustment to get to the point where we could afford for me to quit my job. You need to sit down with your partner and really look at the numbers. Look at what your budget would look like with two incomes (minus childcare) versus what it would look like living off of just one income. Mommy: Home Manager has a a great budget spreadsheet you can use. Consider things you could live without, and decide which things you absolutely couldn’t. It doesn’t take long to see if SAHM life is financially feasible.
Spending
I knew we were going to be on a tight budget, but I also didn’t want to always feel like I was spending someone else’s money. I never wanted to feel guilty if I wanted to go out to lunch with a girlfriend or buy a new shirt. This can look different for every family. I’m (very much) on the frugal side, so for us, it was mainly about me giving myself the permission to spend. However, if you know you like to spend money, this conversation can look a whole lot different. Either way, make sure that you and your partner are in agreement when it comes to nonessential spending.
Chores
Here’s how this conversation went for us. “But, you’re still going to take the trash out and hang up the clothes, right?” I wanted to make sure that just because I was going to be home, it didn’t mean that every single household chore was up to me. Your family might agree on something different, but just make sure that you and your partner have the same expectations from the beginning.
The option to go back to work
This was a big one for me. I had no idea how I was going to respond to being home and not earning an income. I love being busy and productive. I love making money (just being honest here), and I love using my brain (hello blog!). Was being a stay at home mom going to work for me? I wanted to make sure that if I ever felt like I had made the wrong decision, there was always going to be the option to reenter the workforce (without animosity from my husband). If you want to keep this option on the table, make sure you have this conversation.
Keeping the communication open
I love staying home and watching Weston grow, learn, and change every single day. There is no place I would rather be, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have my bad days. There have been a number of times where I’ve struggled with the idea that I’m not contributing enough, or that I’m putting myself at a disadvantage when it does come time to reenter the workforce. Being a mom is HARD and having it all (or doing it all) is damn near impossible. Knowing that I can express these things to my husband is essential. Just venting and talking through things almost instantly makes me feel better.
Everyone’s relationship is different, but this is a great place to start if you want to begin talking about what life would look like as a stay at home mom. Even if these topics aren’t of importance to you, I’m sure you have some things in mind that are. Take some time to think about things you want to discuss with your partner and have the conversations. Talking through my concerns before we made the single income plunge (and continuing to talk) has made the transition so much easier.
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